Bolson Curse Haunts O's

By Dan Flaherty | 7/12/2015

The Oconomowoc Five-O's have been looking for that one missing ingredient all season long. Recent crushing losses to Sussex and the Brookfield Bulldogs, each by 5-4 counts and each with either the tying or winning run on base in the ninth inning, accentuated the frustration.

A systematic review was undertaken of the entire organization, and it seemed everything was essentially stable. Yes, there were reports of analytical data provided by the front office not being used in the dugout during games. Yes, there were the fried chicken and beer parties going on in the clubhouse during the game. And yes, there was a mild problem with various players being in hock to bookmakers and perhaps susceptible to throwing a game. But there was nothing anyone would call a serious problem.

Until that is, a review of the cloud patterns over Roosevelt Field at the key moments of each game, showed the angry face of former outfielder Bob Bolson hovering, and waving the wand of Voldemort, the evil wizard of Harry Potter infamy, at the field.

Speculation immediately began that the Curse of Bolson had descended upon the Five-O's. But what could have possibly caused this? Further review showed that it began on a recent Friday night in Lannon. A substitute player was permitted to wear Bolson's old #7 jersey. It's worth nothing that the clouds began rumbling during batting practice and as players on both teams gazed across the field and into the quarry, it seemed as though evil goblins dressed in black were scurrying about, as though preparing for something. That something would be a display of vindictive evil unlike any the world has seen.

The curse fell in the form of dropped flyballs, line drives landing just foul, opposing bloopers that fell in, potential game-tying home runs just dying at the fence and runners repeatedly left in scoring position. What's worse, simply preventing the Five-O's from winning was not enough - this diabolical display of vengeance first raises hopes and then pulls the rug out from under.

As a side note, Steve Rhoads appears to be completely immune to the Curse, continuing to get hits in every game and making a diving defensive stop against Brookfield on Saturday. However, the new revelations have led us to conclude that it's not hard work and dedication driving the Dream's big year, but the fact he appears to have cut an implicit deal with the devil, so to speak, taking personal immunity from Bolson's savagery at the expense of team success.

Five-O's management undertook consultation with experts, visiting with everyone from Dumbledore to the Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, to Cinderella's Fairy Godmother. It was concluded that only by taking Bolson's old #7 jersey, along with a pair of ruby slippers, to his castle and begging his forgiveness, could the curse be lifted.

It was immediately understood why the Wizard Bolson wanted his jersey back, but the slippers raised eyebrows. Apparently, they're to be added to his collection, since he wears a pair most nights while relaxing and watching the Brewers.

Time is running short, and three brave players - Derek Nelson, Josh Bouche and Chandler Ziemann have volunteered to walk the Yellow Brick Road to find Bolson's hideout and get this curse lifted. It's not just about 2015 anymore - which resumes on Sunday at 1 PM in Hartland - it's about future generations of Five-O's players.